Album Review : Various Artists Exclusive Blend Vols 1 & 2 (Blow up Records)

Various Artists – Blow Up presents Exclusive Blend Volumes 1 & 2
Blow Up (1996, 1997 r : 2007)

Joe Cool woke up. It was bright sunny day and he felt like a million dollars. He put on his shades (yep he was naked except for his shades) put on his flares (he went commando obviously) his best flowered shirt. Ran his hand through his hair and stepped out into the open. Oh yeah I forgot. Joe also grabbed EXCLUSIVE BLEND vols 1 & 2 and his discman.
The second he plopped the cd in he was surrounded by the most grooving Hammond flecked and phat funked tunes he’d ever heard. Vol 1 had 16 classic that made him swing his feet to the beat. He swirled to the sitar mania that was Delhi Discotheque. He bounced along to ‘Boogaloo Smith’ ( and it’s bass was HEAVY) The Stinky keyboards of ‘Tap Footer’ drove to a frenzy.
Then Joe noticed that girls were following him! They were digging this funky music! It escaped out of his headphones and like a super pheromone he was driving the ladies wild. Soon after ten minutes there was a full female congo line.
Joe then put in vol 2.
As soon as those chicks heard ‘White Elephant’ they went wild. Who would have known that archived music (or library music to me more precise) would have that affect? There was rhythm, style and man a beat so great you’d shake it all night long!
When Joe Cool heard the hand clapping Hammond body sawyer ‘Boss Man’ he thought. Yeah that’s me. The Boss Man. Life was great.
Then he woke.
Joe Fool had an awesome dream. He was listening to two of his fave compilations and was getting more attention than he ever needed. He had to face reality though. He got up, put his unwashed jeans over his unwashed boxers, put on his thick specs and some grubby to with three weeks of meals embedded in the threads. and went to the local job centre to collect his dole money. It was tough for him ever since he got fired. (reason : his work didn’t match the company’s so called standards) but he still slipped in EXCLUSIVE BLEND vol 1 in his discman and, yeah he felt like a prince grooving his way to the queue.

Morale of the story: go get the EXCLUSIVE BLEND compilations now! It will make your fantasies great and the real world permanently sunny.